9 replies to this topic

[srtools1980y]

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you are stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, madam, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" OOh

[srtools1980y]

Teacher & Student Jokes, etc:

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!


TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH : "HIJKLMNO"!! />TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH : Yesterday you said it's H to O!


TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE : Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : George!


TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn'thave ten years ago.
WILLY : Me!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.


TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."


SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.


TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.


TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE : Don't bite any.


TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN : I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."


MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.


TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!

[srtools1980y]

Another Teacher & Student Joke:

Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!

Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!


Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?
Paddy: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!

Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home now!

[srtools1980y]

The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"

"None," answered little Norman.

"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."

"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

[srtools1980y]

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"
"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?"
"That's exactly what I said!"

[srtools1980y]

# Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze ?
Pupil: Hot water !

# Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days ?
Pupil: All of them !

# Why was the head teacher worried ?
Because there were so many rulers in the school !


# Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line ?
Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there !

# Teacher: If I bought a hundred current buns for a dollar, what would each bun be ?
Pupil: Stale !

# Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !

# Teacher: What is "can't" short for ?
Pupil: Can not miss.

# Teacher: and what is "don't" short for
Pupil: Doughnut !

# Teacher: Can anyone tell me what the Dog Star is ?
Pupil: Lassie !

# Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia ?
Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !

# Teacher: Why are you standing on your head ?
Pupil: I'm just turning over things in my mind, sir !

# Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me ?

[srtools1980y]

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.


MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."


SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."


MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want
to go to school."


SON : "One, all the chilldren hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."


MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."


SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"


MOM : "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.

[YoKenny1]

Teaching Baldrick Mathematics

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=328Q79GoR7g

[mountaintree16]

@ your first joke in this thread, srtools

[Firefox]