ATLANTA AIRPORT -
Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 843 -- You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R
Saudi Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R - Al-lah be Praised."
Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 311 --You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."
Iran Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R. - Allah is Great."
Pause...
Saudi Air: " ATLANTA ATC - ATLANTA ATC"
Atlanta ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 311."
Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFTS FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE.. INSTRUC-TIONS, PLEASE."
Atlanta ATC: "Well bless your hearts. And praise Jesus. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah "hey" for us -- "

Two Scotsmen met 25 years after their last get-together. They hugged and slapped each others back and tears formed in their eyes as they renewed their old friendship.
"Let's have a drink like we did in the old days," the first Scot winked at his mate.
"Aye," his mate replied. "And don't forget it's your shout."

"I think Rover is getting a bit old, he seems to be going deaf."
"Bullshit, watch this...Rover sit! Oh dear, you're right, I'll get the shovel and clean it up!"

What do Gordon Brown and Adolf Hitler have in common?
Nothing.

Hitler was voted in to power................
and people actually liked him.

My husband David's colleague at a package-processing centre was trapped in a small rest room by a faulty lock.
When he was finally discovered, David and another worker were able to open the door with some difficulty. The lock was still jammed, so they blocked the door open while a maintenance worker was called.
A bit later, David noticed the door was closed again. He jiggled the doorknob and a voice from inside called, "Get me out!"
"Don't worry," David replied, "maintenance should be sending somebody."
"They did," said the voice.

Cindy and Sandy were walking down the street and Cindy noticed Sandy was carrying a book bag; so she asks "what do you have in your bag Sandy?”
Sandy responds "Some Chickens".
Cindy asks "If I can guess how many there are can I have one?"
Sandy says "If you can guess how many there are you can have both of them."
Cindy says "Are there 5?"

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm.
As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asks, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?"
To which he replies, "Lady, I'm in sales, not management."