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dipper6

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  1. Man carries carpet roll on mobility scooter in Somerset UK http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-somerset-11430203 There is a video with it but its a litle "shaky". The man was filmed carrying the carpet on his mobility scooter by a passenger in a car behind him. A man has been filmed carrying a long roll of carpet on his mobility scooter along a road in Somerset. The clip - posted on YouTube - was shot on a mobile phone by Gary McKenna, who was a passenger in a car behind. The 20-year-old said that while the incident, in Wincanton, looked comical it could have been dangerous. Police said laws governing the unsafe carriage of goods did not apply to mobility scooters, but their drivers should take road safety into account.
  2. The following questions were set in a GED examination These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed. Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What causes the tides in the oceans A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs Q.. What happens to your body as you age A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie Q. What does 'varicose' mean? A. Nearby Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium ( Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. Q. What does the word 'benign' mean? A. Benign is what you be after you be eight Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
  3. Hi noknojon, Success, it worked, the program is up and running. I wish there was a better way to thank you than just saying thank you I would do so but I can't. I did not think it was possible to get a paid for version downloaded without details being given, e.g., username and ' or part of the key as proof of purchase. VERY many thanks for your help. :P
  4. Hi, I have an older paid for version of Malwarebytes, I had some (a lot) problems with my PC that I have now got fixed. Its some time since I had the program installed. So I installed Malwarebytes this morning and I get that error 732. I cant download the newer version, it requires "pay for" so what can I do please. W7 x64 Pro. Due to it being pay for am I correct in thinking I need to contact Malwarebytes ? I'm referring to my having to give them username etc to prove I purchased the program.
  5. At a launching of a ship an officer says to a rather ancient but still attractive lady, “How gracefully she goes down.” “Yes she does,” says the old harlot, “but if someone doused me with vintage champagne like that, I probably would too.”
  6. I wanted to buy my son a drum kit today. My wife said, "I couldn't stay in the house with that racket!" I bought my son a drum kit today.
  7. 'So tell me, Mrs. Smith,' asked the interviewer, 'have you any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?' 'Actually, yes,' said the applicant modestly. 'Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel.' 'Very impressive,' he commented, 'but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours.' Mrs. Smith explained brightly, 'Oh, that was during office hours.'
  8. Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument. "Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one. "There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor. They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order. "Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us." The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?" "That's right," he called back, "two pints."
  9. A drunk man hails a taxi and asks, “Hey cabby, take me to the Hilton.” “You’re right in front of it,” says the cabby. “Thanks mate,” says the drunk, “And next time don’t drive so bleedin’ fast.”
  10. English Tourist to local farmer. “Do you farm around here?” “Yes” “Have you lived here all your life?” “Not yet”
  11. A lion would never cheat on his wife... But a tiger wood.
  12. Three citizens of the former Soviet Eastern Bloc - a Pole, a Czech, and a Jew - were accused of spying and were sentenced to death. Each man was granted one last wish. "I want my ashes scattered over the grave of Pilsudski," said the Pole. "I want my ashes scattered over the grave of Masaryk," said the Czech. "And I," said the Jew, "want my ashes scattered over the grave of Comrade Kosygin." "But that's impossible," he was told. "Kosygin isn't dead yet." "Fine," said the Jew. "I can wait."
  13. A little old lady, visiting the seaside at Conway for the first time, saw some men preparing to go fishing, collecting their baskets and nets. She said to one of them: "What are those things?" He said "Lobster pots." She said "Go on, you'll never train them to sit on those things!"
  14. An Irishman went into a post office to see if there were any letters for him. "I'll see, sir," said the clerk. "What is your name?" "You're having me on now because I'm Irish," said the Irishman. "Won't you see the name on the envelope?"
  15. Joe was trying to lead a horse in the street, but was having much trouble getting the horse's cooperation. A passerby stopped and asked if he could help. Joe was grateful and gladly accepted. After much pushing and shoving, they finally got the horse to the front door of Joe's department. Joe indicated that the horse was to go through the door. More pushing and shoving. Once inside, Joe and the passerby managed to work the horse up the steps and into Joe's apartment on the third floor, then through the living room and into the bathtub. Wiping the sweat from his brow, the good Samaritan said, “I don't want to be nosy, but this is most unusual…” Joe said, “When my wife comes home, she'll look in the bathroom and say, 'There's a horse in there!' “ “Hey, how many times in a man's life will they ever get the chance to tell their wife, 'I know! I know!'?”
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