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Computer-o-pedia


sman

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Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus!

What do you call a computer floating in the ocean?
A Dell Rolling in the Deep.

What is written on Steve Jobs tombstone?
iCame, iSaw, iConquered, iLeft, iCameBack, iThinkDifferent, iMac, iPod, iTunes, iPhone, iPad, iCloud, iRIP

Why do Java developers wear glasses?
Because they don't C#.

What do you call a computer that sings?
 A-Dell

Where did the computer go to dance?
To a disc-o.

What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
The Space bar!

What did the dentist say to the computer?
 This won't hurt a byte.

What type of a computer does a horse like to eat?
A Macintosh.

What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes?
She sticks it in the microwave!

How do you know if a blonde has been using a computer?
There's whiteout on the screen.

What do you get if you cross a computer with a ballet dancer?
The Netcracker suite.

Why won't blondes take their iPhones to the bathroom?
Because they don't want to give away their IP address!

What part of a computer does a spider use?
The webcam.

What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
He enters Nerdvana.

What was the spider doing on the computer?
Searching the web!

What do you get when you cross a hamburger with a computer?
A big mac!

How are elephants and computers similar?
They both have big memories.

Why are PCs like air conditioners?
They stop working properly if you open Windows!

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.

What was the hipster doing at the computer?
Looking in the recycling bin for something retro.

Why did the computer break up with the internet?
There was no "Connection".

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.

What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around?
Dead Siri-ous

What's the difference between an Linux and a virus?
A virus does something.

How do you know you are using Linux?
Your computer only has 4 modes: Abort, Retry, Fail and Reboot!

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness as the new industry standard.

What do you call an egg who is on the computer too much?
An "Egg Head"

What's the difference between a virus and Windows Vista?
Viruses rarely fail.

"When I die, I want my tombstone to be a WiFi hotspot......that way people visit more often."

Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?

Yo momma so fat and dumb, she tears apart computers looking for cookies.

SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"

I mustache you a question, can eyebrows your computer?

"Do you like computers?" (yes.)
"Do you like file sharing?" (yes)
"Good, 'cause I'm downloadable and user friendly!"

Macs are for those who don't want to know why their computer works.
Linux is for those who want to know why their computer works.
DOS is for those who want to know why their computer doesn't work.
Windows is for those who don't want to know why their computer doesn't work.

Wife or Girlfriend A physicist, a mathematician and a computer programmer
discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend.
The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment."
The mathematician: "A wife. You have security."
The computer programmer: "Both. When I'm not with my wife,
she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's
vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."

Computer Definitions
1) 486 The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
2) State-of-the-art Any computer you can't afford.
3) Obsolete Any computer you own.
4) Microsecond The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

Virus?
No, Windows is not a virus.

Here's what viruses do: They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system
as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay,
Windows does that too.
Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable
programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.
Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2)
and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental
differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems,
their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become
more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.
It's a bug

Link to post
  • 1 year later...
On 9/11/2015 at 11:47 PM, sman said:

Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus!

What do you call a computer floating in the ocean?
A Dell Rolling in the Deep.

What is written on Steve Jobs tombstone?
iCame, iSaw, iConquered, iLeft, iCameBack, iThinkDifferent, iMac, iPod, iTunes, iPhone, iPad, iCloud, iRIP

Why do Java developers wear glasses?
Because they don't C#.

What do you call a computer that sings?
 A-Dell

Where did the computer go to dance?
To a disc-o.

What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
The Space bar!

What did the dentist say to the computer?
 This won't hurt a byte.

What type of a computer does a horse like to eat?
A Macintosh.

What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes?
She sticks it in the microwave!

How do you know if a blonde has been using a computer?
There's whiteout on the screen.

What do you get if you cross a computer with a ballet dancer?
The Netcracker suite.

Why won't blondes take their iPhones to the bathroom?
Because they don't want to give away their IP address!

What part of a computer does a spider use?
The webcam.

What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
He enters Nerdvana.

What was the spider doing on the computer?
Searching the web!

What do you get when you cross a hamburger with a computer?
A big mac!

How are elephants and computers similar?
They both have big memories.

Why are PCs like air conditioners?
They stop working properly if you open Windows!

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.

What was the hipster doing at the computer?
Looking in the recycling bin for something retro.

Why did the computer break up with the internet?
There was no "Connection".

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.

What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around?
Dead Siri-ous

What's the difference between an Linux and a virus?
A virus does something.

How do you know you are using Linux?
Your computer only has 4 modes: Abort, Retry, Fail and Reboot!

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness as the new industry standard.

What do you call an egg who is on the computer too much?
An "Egg Head"

What's the difference between a virus and Windows Vista?
Viruses rarely fail.

"When I die, I want my tombstone to be a WiFi hotspot......that way people visit more often."

Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?

Yo momma so fat and dumb, she tears apart computers looking for cookies.

SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"

I mustache you a question, can eyebrows your computer?

"Do you like computers?" (yes.)
"Do you like file sharing?" (yes)
"Good, 'cause I'm downloadable and user friendly!"

Macs are for those who don't want to know why their computer works.
Linux is for those who want to know why their computer works.
DOS is for those who want to know why their computer doesn't work.
Windows is for those who don't want to know why their computer doesn't work.

Wife or Girlfriend A physicist, a mathematician and a computer programmer
discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend.
The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment."
The mathematician: "A wife. You have security."
The computer programmer: "Both. When I'm not with my wife,
she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's
vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."

Computer Definitions
1) 486 The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
2) State-of-the-art Any computer you can't afford.
3) Obsolete Any computer you own.
4) Microsecond The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

Virus?
No, Windows is not a virus.

Here's what viruses do: They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system
as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay,
Windows does that too.
Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable
programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.
Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2)
and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental
differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems,
their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become
more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.
It's a bug

Good job

Link to post

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